MEMES VERSUS JOE, JOE VERSUS A FOX

SO this evening I was walking from my car back across the lawn to my parents' house (I still technically live there and I had stuff to do so I don't feel bad about it college is dumb anyways let's just try not to use any commas here) and I noticed that there was a small mammal, about small-dog sized, standing behind my car. I thought "huh, I think that's a fox. That's weird. Hopefully it doesn't follow me."

It followed me.

So I walked. It continued to walk with me. I kept looking back at it and it met eyes with me each time. After a few seconds it began to run at me. I don't know if it was really hostile but it still increased its speed and approached me. I thought "Oh... Shit this isn't supposed to happen" Also, I should probably detail what was in my possession at that point:
-Plastic bag containing three paperback novels
-Plastic music flip-folder for marching band
-Alto Trombone (King Brand) in case.

The trombone was in pretty awful shape anyway, 8 years old by this point, so I threw it. Rather, I dropped it in the fox's general direction. I had no intention to hit the fox (and I didn't) but it was scared away.

So why does any of that matter? It probably doesn't to anyone but me and my immediate loved ones but holy shit I mean that was like the closest I ever got to death probably I COULD HAVE DIED ON MY DRIVEWAY I MEAN REALLY.
ACTUALLY THAT WOULD BE WEIRD AS HELL

But anyway, the most important thing here is that the animal in question was, indeed, a fox.
SO ENTER DAD
QUOTE: "JOE WHAT DID THIS FOX SAY?"
"uh, it just kinda ran at me it didn't say anything"
"It didn't say *string of noises*"
"uh"

Ladies and gentlemen... I had been Meme'd.
As a previous post on this great and historic blog shows, I was once a king of the meme. The memes came into light and I knew, Joe Bush fucking knew when some shit was memetic as hell and deserved to be reposted and e-mailed to my friends across this world wide web. But that was 2008. Bush was in the white house and I was 13 or something I think. It's now 2013, Obama's in the white house, I'm not even in my house anymore, I'm 18, and foxes have it out for me.

But someone brought up "What Did The Fox Say" to me earlier in the week and it had been something that I only knew by name but had never actually seen in video form and it's really exhilarating, like for those few weeks back in 2010 when I hadn't heard the Black Eyed Peas' "I gotta feeling" while everyone was talking about it.

Also legitimately when I struggled to open my door I stammered "shit, do a barrel roll I guess fox" which would have been awesome back in 2008 let me tell you.
For comparison, this was also awesome back in 2008:

FEBREEZE UPDATE

Febreeze, for years, has tried to sell us on the idea that it's different from other air fresheners because it doesn't cover up odors, but it actually kills odors somehow (I'd imagine through some microscopic amoeba Mortal Kombat style fighting). After intense theorizing, and scientific methoding, I'd like to state my thesis:
Febreeze is full of shit

Now, I have nothing against the smell of Febreeze, and on a nice fabric, it smells quite good, and even in typical air freshening situations, I'd gladly take some Febreeze over most other smells. However, through the scientific method-
Hypothesis: Is Febreeze full of shit and does it just cover up malodorous smells?
Test: (Inadvertent) Roommate cuts up a bunch of garlic and then sprays Febreeze all over the goddamn place
Result: Room smells of Garlic and Febreeze
Thesis: From the evidence gathered, I wholeheartedly believe that yes, Febreeze is full of shit and the product just covers the scent up.
I've pretty much figured out that Febreeze is full of shit.

Also I was the Eighth Grade Northeast Kansas Regional Science Olympiad Champion of the Scientific Method so I think I know what I'm talking about, thanks

PC GAMING UPDATE

So let's just consider something here: My PC will not play any video for MYST Masterpiece Edition (which I downloaded off of Steam). I don't know why this is and I have a hunch that I won't be able to change anything about that due to it being an app on Steam. That's a problem because the vast majority of the game's storytelling is done through video clips (that which can't be gleamed through the reading, that is)

So that's one problem that I've found with PC Gaming - old stuff sometimes doesn't work for reasons that I can't figure outAlso I just looked and the Store Page specifically indicated that it only worked on XP and Vista so all of this is my fault essentially as I'm running Windows 7.

Add "A shitty PC that I can put Windows XP on" to that list of stupid things I think I'd like to buy at some point.

GRAND THEFT AUTO FIVE REVIEW

So there's a new Grand Theft Auto game released earlier this morning from what I understand. I couldn't wait to get home and play it after I definitely purchased it and I definitely have it for play upon my PlayStation 3. When I popped it in, I couldn't have been more pleasantly surprised! You play as a man in a yellow shirt, and you start out in the middle of a village somewhere in the middle of Italy! It's a great cold open, really gets you into the game, and throws you right into the action. The rest of the game just gets better:

This game receives a 9/10 from reputable wwebsite joebush.blogspot.com

STORY: Excellent awesome story from the beginning to the end. You move to the United States to the great city of Philadelphia (Called "Brotherly City" in this game because it really isn't Philadelphia) and then eventually to Los Angeles (called "Sand Andrews" in this game) and you gotta fight your way to the top because the world is against you. At some point, you get in some fights with some older guys and a genie, and at some other point, you end up really joining with them and really making your way to greatness before you get accused of sexual assault by the police in Colorado (called "Cool Cool Mountain" in this game) but you confirm your innocence and then return to Sand Andrews to regain your status of greatness

GRAPHICS: Excellent. People looks like people, city looks like city, dogs looks like dogs. There are dogs, did I mention. They got tails and shit its nuts

SOUND: The cars sound good and the guns go blam blam really like real guns do. Music is all Haddaway.

GAMEPLAY: Controller had too many buttons. 0/100

VIDEO GAME: It was indeed, though I don't want to place it amongst the halls of epic win like Halo 3 and Halo 2 and Super Smash Bros. Brawl. It's good

ART: vidoe games are art.. its art. like painting, you know painting, that's art, like video games also are. i been sad at games before in my life, like i was sad at movies before in my life, after I Lost To Notre Dame In The National Championship When Aaron Hernandez Of The Florida University Gators Dropped That Goddamn Pass In The Fourth Quarter On Fourth Down and I cried for a long time and I broke my controller. art

OVERALL: I give GRand Theft Auto Five a score of FIVE EPIC bACONS OUT OF FIVE HELL YEAH LOL

CHIBI-ROBO UPDATE

So my roommate keeps making fun of me for playing Chibi-Robo for the Nintendo GameCube (woohoo college) and I'm thinking Holy Shit Man I Have Been Waiting To Play This Game Since Like 2006 But I Never Really Had An Opportunity To Try It Out And It Seems Really Interesting But I Guess I Can't Because It Doesn't Satisfy You For Some Reason.

But who cares. I know I don't because Chibi-Robo is actually really good and I think you should all give it a try sometime soon if you can find it!

HAIL REESEPOD

REESE'S PEANUT BUTTER CUPS

TAKE 'EM OUT OF THE PACKAGE

THEN: SLAM 'EM

REESEPOD
WILL PROBABLY KILL YOU
ALSO DON'T EVEN TRY MAKING A SANDWICH WITH IT USING ONE OF THE FOLLOWING SUBSTANCES NO SIR-EE
Jet-Puft Marshmallow Fluff
Nutella
Peanut Butter (WHOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)
Chocolate Sauce (WHOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)
Raisins
Gummy Bears
Tears
Mayonnaise
Mayonnaise
Your blood (which, after eating, will probably be at least fairly viscous)
Ketchup
Pain
Paint
Caladryl (Clear is best)
Good graphics

FANTASY FOOTBALL ADVICE - WEEK 1 2013

A COLLECTION OF ADVICES ABOUT HOW TO FAKE WIN YOUR FAKE FOOTBALL GAMES THIS YEAR

QUARTERBACKS:
Whatever the hell you do, don't pick a mobile quarterback like Mike Vick or Steve Young.  The ability to both throw and run at the same time takes points away from both categories. If you want yardage, get a pure passer like Sam Bradford or Trent Dilfer who won't run at all (seriously, in a weird Marinovichian experiment, Bradford's kneecaps were replaced at age 1 with miniature parking boots by his father for "some reason").  If you want a runner, try quarterbacks Reggie Bush of the Detroit Lions or Tim Tebow of the Obic Seagulls. Remember what happens if you pour water in mustard, it's like that if you pour running into passing. Dilution.

RUNNING BACKS:
There are three words that make with a ground game: Yards Per Carry. It's basic divison.
32 yards on 2 carries? 16 YPC
114 yards on 27 carries? 4.22222 YPC
So, how do you get higher YPC? Utilize the only play that, when it works, guarantees over ten yards:

Fake punt. This punter's average YPC now (were this clip not from a preseason game because apparently that matters)? 40 yards. The highest amongst quarterbacks is Michael Vick's 12.5 yards per carry. Highest for running backs is Jamal Charles' 5.8. Teams are only going to run like 2 or 3 fakes per season, and if at least one of them works for more than 30+ yards, you're set for a fantasy crown.

WIDE RECEIVERS: Is T.O. still going? He was really good in ESPN NFL 2K5. Pick him

TIGHT END:

Tight ends, touchdowns in the end   zones… clearly, we love #football season! #CharminRelief
— Charmin  (@Charmin) September 5, 2013

thanks

DEFENSIVE LINEMEN:
Can you draft these? If you can, then  
KICKERS: JUST ANYONE

Hope this entry helps you become the best fake football player ever! I'm gonna go play some actual football, nerds. (I'm not actually going to leave my room today)