THE BCS IS COMING AND I HAVE OPINIONS I GUESS
January 1st, 2014
Rose Bowl Game presented by VIZIO
All hail our one and only god, the truest of all gods, VIZIO. VIZIO, producer of fine quality televisions (I think, I'm not going to research), has sold us a Rose Bowl Game presented only by them. Who is playing in this matchup?
Stanford Cardinal (Pac-12 Champions, 11-2) vs. Michigan State Spartans (Big Ten Champions, 12-1)
Well, okay, here's Stanford again in the Rose Bowl I guess even though I guess it wasn't supposed to be them this year (actually in my preseason predictions I had them in the national championship). It'll be interesting to see how two defensively strong teams play each other on one of the game's biggest stages.
Chances Michigan State wins: Pretty high. The Spartans only have one loss on their record this year. If they can stop Stanford's run game, I'd fully expect them to win.
Chances Stanford wins: Stanford's defense is good as well. Hard to say, personally, that they will pull out the victory in Pasadena, however, but I won't be surprised if they do.
What 2 Look 4: David Shaw's fucking shoulders. What a physically intimidating but also adorable man that I hope doesn't end up in the NFL coaching Washington or Cleveland or somewhere like that.
Prediction: Michigan State 17 Stanford 7
Tostitos Fiesta Bowl
Y'know it used to be the Sunkist Fiesta Bowl, right? I thought the Tostitos sponsorship was a no-brainer, I thought that Tostitos had always sponsored the Fiesta Bowl. I wish I could be sitting at the board meeting of Tostitos executives when one of them, hopefully out of the blue asked "Wait... There's a bowl game named The Fiesta Bowl and we make tortilla chips and tortilla chips alone..." Easily the best sponsorship of any bowl game. Well, I've stalled enough, who's playing in this matchup?
Baylor Bears (Big XII Champions, 11-1) vs University of Central Florida Knights (American Champions, 11-1)
Just reading those two team names in the Fiesta Bowl would have sent me into a fit of confusion only like 4 years ago (Sort of like the 2007 Orange Bowl would have). Honestly, though, both of these teams deserve to be playing in this game. Both are exciting offensive teams with great records (UCF was a close loss to South Carolina away from being undefeated) and it looks to be another fun game in Tempe like they have been the past few years. Also, my preseason prediction for this game was Oklahoma State vs. Oregon so I think I was a little off.
Chances UCF wins: Not too high.
Chances Baylor wins: Very high, but not as high as I would have said back before the Oklahoma State game.
What 2 Look 4: This is the first BCS game for both teams (I forgot to mention this, but the Rose Bowl is interestingly enough Michigan State's first BCS appearance as well) so look out for really excited fans who are in a strange new environment.
Prediction: Baylor 49 UCF 31
January 2nd, 2014
Allstate Sugar Bowl
There was a kid who went to my school who was all-state in basketball. He was really good and I think he's at some small school in North Carolina now. But anyway this game is played in New Orleans, site of the last Super Bowl where the lights went out, remember that? They went out for a bit. I do. Lots of funny jokes came out of that. Who's in this one?
Oklahoma Sooners (At-Large Big XII, 10-2) vs Alabama Crimson Tide (At-Large SEC, 11-1)
Oh god Alabama isn't in the national championship? Whaaaaaaaaat? Remember we were all talking about how A.J. McCarron was going to win the Heisman at one point? That would have been hilarious. Every media outlet wanted it so badly because the last three or four guys weren't boring as shit and we were staring down another interesting guy and we can't have that, we need more Gino Torretta or Chris Weinke I guess. I predicted this one to be Baylor and Louisville which was sort of accurate except it ended up in the Fiesta Bowl.
Chances Oklahoma wins: Literally zero. There does not exist a universe in which Bob Stoops wins this game on the strength of Blake Bell or whoever.
Chances Alabama wins: read above statement
What 2 Look 4: Alabama players really down on themselves because they aren't in the national championship
Prediction: Alabama 42 Oklahoma 5
January 3rd, 2014
Discover Orange Bowl
It was so much cooler back when it was FedEx and also couldn't double as a phrase. Sounds like those "Imagine Babies" games back on the Wii. What goes on in terms of personnel in this match?
Clemson Tigers (At-Large ACC, 10-2) vs Ohio State (At-Large Big Ten, 12-1)
I'd guess that this will be entertaining as well, featuring two very well rounded teams that will be fun to see playing against each other on such a large national stage. A number of great quarterback duels going on in the BCS games this year, this one between Clemson's Tajh Boyd and Ohio State's Braxton Miller. I predicted this one to be Clemson and Texas A&M, so hey, I was half right!
Chances Clemson wins: If they can get their offense into a good rhythm like they didn't against Florida State, they could win fairly easily. If they don't, well shit
Chances Ohio State wins: If they can play like they did against most of the Big Ten that wasn't Michigan State, then they'll win. If they play like they did against Michigan State, well shit
What 2 Look 4: Hopefully Urban Meyer sadly eating pizza again
Prediction: Ohio State 35 Clemson 28
January 6th, 2014
VIZIO BCS National Championship
LORD VIZIO RETURNS BUT IS NOT DONE WITH US AND HAS PRESENTED US WITH A NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP THAT WE MAY INDEED WATCH ON A VIZIO TELEVISION AND NOTHING ELSE. WHO MAY WE HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF WATCHING ON OUR HIGH-DEFINITION VIZIO 3D TELEVISION?
Auburn Tigers (SEC Champions, 12-1) vs Florida State (ACC Champions, 13-0)
Oh wow, oh man, I'm actually sort of looking forward to this game. Maybe it'll be like the 2010 championship game and not be a blowout. But what would the odds of that be?
Chances Auburn wins: They've been absurdly lucky all year and I fully expect them to be just as lucky in this one. Maybe a gust of wind will pick up a late FSU field goal that could seal the game and push it wide left. Maybe after that, during a rush for a fumble, some FSU defender will accidentally kick the ball high up in the air and it will land in the waiting hands of an Auburn lineman, who will stumble into the endzone as time expires.
Chances Florida State wins:
If they play as well as they know that they can, they won't have trouble. But that's a big if.
What 2 Look 4: Someone named Jimbo possibly winning a national title
Prediction: Auburn 29, Florida State 28
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Thursday, December 26, 2013
LOOK WHAT I JUST BOUGHT
So at Marshall's today I found this (and took a picture whilst wearing it)
There are a couple of reasons why this is great:
1. It's Marc Bulger, who's been out of the league for like 4 years as of 2013
2. It's a St. Louis Rams jersey, which somehow ended up in a rack amongst something like 35 Matt Cassel Chiefs jerseys in a Marshall's in Olathe, KS
3. The picture I got was had this weird thing on the back wall (but that's something that wall does with camera flashes along with the ceiling lights
4. I look terrific in this photo
5. All 4 of my lamps are present (Shaded lamp on the far right, dollar-store party lamp on the shelf on the center-right, essentially useless lava lamp barely obscured by my elbow, clip lamp underneath that)
6. You can vaguely see my Denver Nuggets 2009 NBA Finals Champions pennant on the wall
7. It's an away jersey, which is fucking hilarious to me because growing up I could never find away jerseys. I'm still upset that I lost my 2005 Kansas Jayhawks white #7 (Nick Reid, Linebacker) football jersey. That was one of the only serviceable KU jerseys that I ever had.
8. The jersey is exactly in my size
9. My thousand eye stare is beautiful
10. Didn't close the dresser drawers
11. I found this at Marshall's, which means that the Marc Bulger St. Louis Rams jersey was both not good enough for retail but too good for T.J. Maxx.
So I'll be wearing this during the MOCK NINE NEW YEARS SACRIFICE on New Year's Eve, and I can't wait. This joins the pantheon of excellent jerseys that I own, including:
Randy Moss Minnesota Vikings (second go around, 10 dollars or so at a Big Lots type store in Alexandria, Minnesota)
Scott Fujita, Kansas City Chiefs (originally my father's)
Peyton Manning, Indianapolis Colts (my grandfather found it from some vendor on the street in Indianapolis in the weeks leading up to super bowl XLIV)
Deion Sanders, Atlanta Falcons (PRIME TIME PRIME TIME PRIME TIME PRIME TIME)
I think that's it. Bulger takes the cake, though.
*only
 |
| This is the best* photo of me with it |
1. It's Marc Bulger, who's been out of the league for like 4 years as of 2013
2. It's a St. Louis Rams jersey, which somehow ended up in a rack amongst something like 35 Matt Cassel Chiefs jerseys in a Marshall's in Olathe, KS
3. The picture I got was had this weird thing on the back wall (but that's something that wall does with camera flashes along with the ceiling lights
4. I look terrific in this photo
5. All 4 of my lamps are present (Shaded lamp on the far right, dollar-store party lamp on the shelf on the center-right, essentially useless lava lamp barely obscured by my elbow, clip lamp underneath that)
6. You can vaguely see my Denver Nuggets 2009 NBA Finals Champions pennant on the wall
7. It's an away jersey, which is fucking hilarious to me because growing up I could never find away jerseys. I'm still upset that I lost my 2005 Kansas Jayhawks white #7 (Nick Reid, Linebacker) football jersey. That was one of the only serviceable KU jerseys that I ever had.
8. The jersey is exactly in my size
9. My thousand eye stare is beautiful
10. Didn't close the dresser drawers
11. I found this at Marshall's, which means that the Marc Bulger St. Louis Rams jersey was both not good enough for retail but too good for T.J. Maxx.
So I'll be wearing this during the MOCK NINE NEW YEARS SACRIFICE on New Year's Eve, and I can't wait. This joins the pantheon of excellent jerseys that I own, including:
Randy Moss Minnesota Vikings (second go around, 10 dollars or so at a Big Lots type store in Alexandria, Minnesota)
Scott Fujita, Kansas City Chiefs (originally my father's)
Peyton Manning, Indianapolis Colts (my grandfather found it from some vendor on the street in Indianapolis in the weeks leading up to super bowl XLIV)
Deion Sanders, Atlanta Falcons (PRIME TIME PRIME TIME PRIME TIME PRIME TIME)
I think that's it. Bulger takes the cake, though.
*only
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
POST SUPERSIZE ME REPORT
OKAY HERE ARE THE NOTES I TOOK:
-Starting 12 minutes in with notes
-why does he call them mac shaqs
-He does this a bunch but it must suck to be his girlfriend
-I remember when I saw this in 7th grade (last time I did) I was really disgusted by the fact that him and his girlfriend had sex but it was in health class probably a few days after preaching abstinence until marriage
-Wait mcdonalds deliver? Whoa
-The interview segments are okay I think
-I like the lady who says "it doesn't seem clean" and calls it McDo (she's french, she mentions that a bunch in the interview)
-It's good that McDonalds serves water because he would maybe die
-These eating montages are radical
-The legal parts are less than great
-Fuck you guy wearing the hat
-I just don't like his voice
-How much do I eat fast food in a week? Let's look at last week
+I live in a place that gives me food so I rarely eat anywhere else. There are weeks where I will eat exclusively from the cafeteria or Chef Boyardee because I hate myself or whatever. Only really eat fast food when I go home which is every 2 or 3 weekends maybe? I'd say probably twice during those weekends, typically Friday night and Saturday lunch though I've done more, I'm sure. So let's say twice per week to be safe
-Mighty Kids Meals
-Oh the lawyer's a douche I didn't notice that
-The doctor isn't a douche though
-Okay the part with the Nutrition professor and the size comparisons is a part that I still like. That was cool and it's a part of history that I don't know why I'm interested in (history of chains and shit)
-Oh is this when he throws up
-"The McBrick"
-YES HE'S GONNA PUKE DO IT
-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
-The part with the smoker was the first time I ever heard "fuck" said in a movie
-Yelling at people for being fat and smoking is cool and you should always do it because someone's feelings don't matter
-I wonder if he actually punches his kids in the face
-ROCK AND ROLL MCDONALDS
-That's my favorite thing to come from this film
-SUBWAY JARED
-WOO SUBWAY JARED
-DO YOU THINK HE PICKS UP GIRLS WITH HIS PANTS
-Kids are shit
-Jared's final solution is Subway
-Victoria do whatever the fuck you want
-Victoria's in her mid 20's
-The Baskin Robbins guy is cool
-"His ticker just got tired and stopped working" is a cool euphemism
-I like how those guys work at a place called "Health"
-YES THE MAKE IT BACON GUYS
-AT LEAST TWO TIMES TODAY
-THAT'S BALONEY
-THAT'S BALONEY
-THAT'S BALONEY
-"oh no big deal just chest pains"
-OH THE HOTEL ROOM PART
-YEAH THE SODA FALLS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
-I love you Don Gorske
-Nine Big Macs
-I love how the people at the counter know him
-He proposed at a McDonalds
-"Artistic Genius" seems like they didn't like him
-The first grade thing is cool but yeah, kids watch TV, I'm not surprised that they know Ronald McDonald before Jesus
-"Fat on the bed"
-"more than half of all US homes still don't have internet access" Keep in mind this was 2003
-Hell yeah Dora Explorer live
-McDonald's started putting the nutrition facts on the food boxes a while later
-"Well I'm getting milk is great"
-We used SYSCO foods where I used to work but I've heard of Sodexho
-The part at this second school was what I had at my elementary school
-I think the cook lady may have started to cry at the end of the clip :(
-We "banned" unhealthy soda in my school district as well (we went from Pepsi to Diet Pepsi)
-"we don't teach physical education in schools anymore" I remember that gym classes became a big deal when I went to middle school 4 or 5 years after this film came out
-"Amount of calories in a calorie" is how I describe it
-PRE-MCGRIDDLE
-MCGRIDDLE ORIGINS
-For a while I thought ham and heroin were the same thing after watching this movie
-I didn't know what an erection or sex were when I first watched this movie (I first watched this movie when I was 10 years old) so I didn't get what she was having a problem with
-I love how Diet Coke is one of the only things on the menu without sugar
-waitOOHHHHHHHHH MY GOD I HAVE THAT SHIRT
-I would have loved it had he followed the doctor's advice and was just like "Welp, film's over. we had a good run, McDonald's.
-The Health place closed down. RIP Health
-It's easier for some to gain weight than others due to genetics, I guess
-We're just not going to watch the surgery footage
-Has anyone bought an XBOX One yet? Are they good? They seem okay
-What's the french word for blizzard?
-I'm doing French homework while watching this film
-Je ne sais pas pourquoi
-L'hopital parte a finit
-Il n'est pas en bonne santee
-Sorry about why I can't use accents for this I know I'm wrong where I'm wrong
-Il s'est reveillé (je sais cet accent, Alt+0233) au nuit.
-"tes yeux devient jaune" n'est pas une probleme typique
-The conjugation there was definitely wrong
-"NOUS SOMMES UNE PARTE DU PROBLEME"
-Upside down McDonald's flag
-RIP SHAKES
-Wait he kept going
-What did he ask the woman from McDonald's? I don't remember him saying at all. Maybe just for an interview
-MS WORD 2003
-EATING CAKE ALONE IN A MCDONALDS IS THE THING I WANT TO DO SOME DAY
-"Mac Attack"
-"Premium" is such a McDonald's word
-OVERALL RATING: well I guess it could have been better on some fronts and I think it did have an impact of some sort.
-Starting 12 minutes in with notes
-why does he call them mac shaqs
-He does this a bunch but it must suck to be his girlfriend
-I remember when I saw this in 7th grade (last time I did) I was really disgusted by the fact that him and his girlfriend had sex but it was in health class probably a few days after preaching abstinence until marriage
-Wait mcdonalds deliver? Whoa
-The interview segments are okay I think
-I like the lady who says "it doesn't seem clean" and calls it McDo (she's french, she mentions that a bunch in the interview)
-It's good that McDonalds serves water because he would maybe die
-These eating montages are radical
-The legal parts are less than great
-Fuck you guy wearing the hat
 |
| this guy |
-How much do I eat fast food in a week? Let's look at last week
+I live in a place that gives me food so I rarely eat anywhere else. There are weeks where I will eat exclusively from the cafeteria or Chef Boyardee because I hate myself or whatever. Only really eat fast food when I go home which is every 2 or 3 weekends maybe? I'd say probably twice during those weekends, typically Friday night and Saturday lunch though I've done more, I'm sure. So let's say twice per week to be safe
-Mighty Kids Meals
-Oh the lawyer's a douche I didn't notice that
 |
| look at this man |
 |
| also look at this man but in a nicer light because he seems to care about people |
-Oh is this when he throws up
-"The McBrick"
-YES HE'S GONNA PUKE DO IT
-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
-The part with the smoker was the first time I ever heard "fuck" said in a movie
-Yelling at people for being fat and smoking is cool and you should always do it because someone's feelings don't matter
-I wonder if he actually punches his kids in the face
-ROCK AND ROLL MCDONALDS
-That's my favorite thing to come from this film
-SUBWAY JARED
-WOO SUBWAY JARED
-DO YOU THINK HE PICKS UP GIRLS WITH HIS PANTS
-Kids are shit
-Jared's final solution is Subway
-Victoria do whatever the fuck you want
-Victoria's in her mid 20's
-The Baskin Robbins guy is cool
-"His ticker just got tired and stopped working" is a cool euphemism
-I like how those guys work at a place called "Health"
-YES THE MAKE IT BACON GUYS
-AT LEAST TWO TIMES TODAY
 |
| "That's Baloney" |
-THAT'S BALONEY
-THAT'S BALONEY
-"oh no big deal just chest pains"
-OH THE HOTEL ROOM PART
-YEAH THE SODA FALLS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
-I love you Don Gorske
-Nine Big Macs
-I love how the people at the counter know him
-He proposed at a McDonalds
-"Artistic Genius" seems like they didn't like him
-The first grade thing is cool but yeah, kids watch TV, I'm not surprised that they know Ronald McDonald before Jesus
-"Fat on the bed"
-"more than half of all US homes still don't have internet access" Keep in mind this was 2003
-Hell yeah Dora Explorer live
-McDonald's started putting the nutrition facts on the food boxes a while later
-"Well I'm getting milk is great"
-We used SYSCO foods where I used to work but I've heard of Sodexho
-The part at this second school was what I had at my elementary school
-I think the cook lady may have started to cry at the end of the clip :(
-We "banned" unhealthy soda in my school district as well (we went from Pepsi to Diet Pepsi)
-"we don't teach physical education in schools anymore" I remember that gym classes became a big deal when I went to middle school 4 or 5 years after this film came out
-"Amount of calories in a calorie" is how I describe it
-PRE-MCGRIDDLE
-MCGRIDDLE ORIGINS
-For a while I thought ham and heroin were the same thing after watching this movie
-I didn't know what an erection or sex were when I first watched this movie (I first watched this movie when I was 10 years old) so I didn't get what she was having a problem with
-I love how Diet Coke is one of the only things on the menu without sugar
-waitOOHHHHHHHHH MY GOD I HAVE THAT SHIRT
-I would have loved it had he followed the doctor's advice and was just like "Welp, film's over. we had a good run, McDonald's.
-The Health place closed down. RIP Health
-It's easier for some to gain weight than others due to genetics, I guess
-We're just not going to watch the surgery footage
-Has anyone bought an XBOX One yet? Are they good? They seem okay
-What's the french word for blizzard?
-I'm doing French homework while watching this film
-Je ne sais pas pourquoi
-L'hopital parte a finit
-Il n'est pas en bonne santee
-Sorry about why I can't use accents for this I know I'm wrong where I'm wrong
-Il s'est reveillé (je sais cet accent, Alt+0233) au nuit.
-"tes yeux devient jaune" n'est pas une probleme typique
-The conjugation there was definitely wrong
-"NOUS SOMMES UNE PARTE DU PROBLEME"
-Upside down McDonald's flag
-RIP SHAKES
-Wait he kept going
-What did he ask the woman from McDonald's? I don't remember him saying at all. Maybe just for an interview
-MS WORD 2003
-EATING CAKE ALONE IN A MCDONALDS IS THE THING I WANT TO DO SOME DAY
-"Mac Attack"
-"Premium" is such a McDonald's word
-OVERALL RATING: well I guess it could have been better on some fronts and I think it did have an impact of some sort.
I'M GONNA DO IT
TODAY I AM GOING TO WATCH IT AND MAKE A REALLY DETAILED REVIEW[1]
Just look at that cover.
---
FOOTNOTES
1. Or I'm barely going to pay attention and write whatever I want
Monday, December 9, 2013
CHEF BOYARDEE UPDATE
 |
| this is it in a microwave |
 |
| this is it, finished, on a mousepad |
microwavepizzatime.blogspot.com
CHEF BOYARDEE
WHO IS READY FOR CHEF BOYARDEE
I AM APPARENTLY
UPDATE COMING
I need to microwave this for 45 seconds, let it sit for 1 minute. Unfortunately, you can read the whole Wikipedia article in less time than that.
I AM APPARENTLY
 |
| christ I spent like 6 minutes fiddling with the manual focus on my stupid digital camera and this picture sucks |
I need to microwave this for 45 seconds, let it sit for 1 minute. Unfortunately, you can read the whole Wikipedia article in less time than that.
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