Tuesday, December 31, 2013

BOWL PREDICTIONS

THE BCS IS COMING AND I HAVE OPINIONS I GUESS

January 1st, 2014

Rose Bowl Game presented by VIZIO
All hail our one and only god, the truest of all gods, VIZIO. VIZIO, producer of fine quality televisions (I think, I'm not going to research), has sold us a Rose Bowl Game presented only by them. Who is playing in this matchup?
Stanford Cardinal (Pac-12 Champions, 11-2) vs. Michigan State Spartans (Big Ten Champions, 12-1)
Well, okay, here's Stanford again in the Rose Bowl I guess even though I guess it wasn't supposed to be them this year (actually in my preseason predictions I had them in the national championship). It'll be interesting to see how two defensively strong teams play each other on one of the game's biggest stages.
Chances Michigan State wins: Pretty high. The Spartans only have one loss on their record this year. If they can stop Stanford's run game, I'd fully expect them to win.
Chances Stanford wins: Stanford's defense is good as well. Hard to say, personally, that they will pull out the victory in Pasadena, however, but I won't be surprised if they do.
What 2 Look 4: David Shaw's fucking shoulders. What a physically intimidating but also adorable man that I hope doesn't end up in the NFL coaching Washington or Cleveland or somewhere like that.
Prediction: Michigan State 17 Stanford 7

Tostitos Fiesta Bowl
Y'know it used to be the Sunkist Fiesta Bowl, right? I thought the Tostitos sponsorship was a no-brainer, I thought that Tostitos had always sponsored the Fiesta Bowl. I wish I could be sitting at the board meeting of Tostitos executives when one of them, hopefully out of the blue asked "Wait... There's a bowl game named The Fiesta Bowl and we make tortilla chips and tortilla chips alone..." Easily the best sponsorship of any bowl game. Well, I've stalled enough, who's playing in this matchup?
Baylor Bears (Big XII Champions, 11-1) vs University of Central Florida Knights (American Champions, 11-1)
Just reading those two team names in the Fiesta Bowl would have sent me into a fit of confusion only like 4 years ago (Sort of like the 2007 Orange Bowl would have). Honestly, though, both of these teams deserve to be playing in this game. Both are exciting offensive teams with great records (UCF was a close loss to South Carolina away from being undefeated) and it looks to be another fun game in Tempe like they have been the past few years. Also, my preseason prediction for this game was Oklahoma State vs. Oregon so I think I was a little off.
Chances UCF wins: Not too high.
Chances Baylor wins: Very high, but not as high as I would have said back before the Oklahoma State game.
What 2 Look 4: This is the first BCS game for both teams (I forgot to mention this, but the Rose Bowl is interestingly enough Michigan State's first BCS appearance as well) so look out for really excited fans who are in a strange new environment.
Prediction: Baylor 49 UCF 31

January 2nd, 2014
Allstate Sugar Bowl
There was a kid who went to my school who was all-state in basketball. He was really good and I think he's at some small school in North Carolina now. But anyway this game is played in New Orleans, site of the last Super Bowl where the lights went out, remember that? They went out for a bit. I do. Lots of funny jokes came out of that. Who's in this one?
Oklahoma Sooners (At-Large Big XII, 10-2) vs Alabama Crimson Tide (At-Large SEC, 11-1)
Oh god Alabama isn't in the national championship? Whaaaaaaaaat? Remember we were all talking about how A.J. McCarron was going to win the Heisman at one point? That would have been hilarious. Every media outlet wanted it so badly because the last three or four guys weren't boring as shit and we were staring down another interesting guy and we can't have that, we need more Gino Torretta or Chris Weinke I guess. I predicted this one to be Baylor and Louisville which was sort of accurate except it ended up in the Fiesta Bowl.
Chances Oklahoma wins: Literally zero. There does not exist a universe in which Bob Stoops wins this game on the strength of Blake Bell or whoever.
Chances Alabama wins: read above statement
What 2 Look 4: Alabama players really down on themselves because they aren't in the national championship
Prediction: Alabama 42 Oklahoma 5

January 3rd, 2014
Discover Orange Bowl
It was so much cooler back when it was FedEx and also couldn't double as a phrase. Sounds like those "Imagine Babies" games back on the Wii. What goes on in terms of personnel in this match?
Clemson Tigers (At-Large ACC, 10-2) vs Ohio State (At-Large Big Ten, 12-1)
I'd guess that this will be entertaining as well, featuring two very well rounded teams that will be fun to see playing against each other on such a large national stage. A number of great quarterback duels going on in the BCS games this year, this one between Clemson's Tajh Boyd and Ohio State's Braxton Miller. I predicted this one to be Clemson and Texas A&M, so hey, I was half right!
Chances Clemson wins: If they can get their offense into a good rhythm like they didn't against Florida State, they could win fairly easily. If they don't, well shit
Chances Ohio State wins: If they can play like they did against most of the Big Ten that wasn't Michigan State, then they'll win. If they play like they did against Michigan State, well shit
What 2 Look 4: Hopefully Urban Meyer sadly eating pizza again
Prediction: Ohio State 35 Clemson 28

January 6th, 2014
VIZIO BCS National Championship
LORD VIZIO RETURNS BUT IS NOT DONE WITH US AND HAS PRESENTED US WITH A NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP THAT WE MAY INDEED WATCH ON A VIZIO TELEVISION AND NOTHING ELSE. WHO MAY WE HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF WATCHING ON OUR HIGH-DEFINITION VIZIO 3D TELEVISION?
Auburn Tigers (SEC Champions, 12-1) vs Florida State (ACC Champions, 13-0)
Oh wow, oh man, I'm actually sort of looking forward to this game. Maybe it'll be like the 2010 championship game and not be a blowout. But what would the odds of that be?
Chances Auburn wins: They've been absurdly lucky all year and I fully expect them to be just as lucky in this one. Maybe a gust of wind will pick up a late FSU field goal that could seal the game and push it wide left. Maybe after that, during a rush for a fumble, some FSU defender will accidentally kick the ball high up in the air and it will land in the waiting hands of an Auburn lineman, who will stumble into the endzone as time expires.
Chances Florida State wins:
If they play as well as they know that they can, they won't have trouble. But that's a big if.
What 2 Look 4: Someone named Jimbo possibly winning a national title
Prediction: Auburn 29, Florida State 28

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