Saturday, November 23, 2013

#SPORTS THE YEAR IS 2013 IN AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE

Tommy Maddox looked back at his trophy case. Through his twenty years in professional football, he had accumulated a multitude of awards. He had been a first-round draft pick. An All-Star. An MVP. A champion. Eventually, he would be a first-ballot hall of famed. He surveyed the inscriptions on those trophies. 6 Pac-10 player of the week awards. Practice squad most improved, 1996. XFL MVP 2001. XFL Champion 2001. XFL MVP 2004. XFL MVP 2005. XFL Western Division Champion 2005. XFL MVP 2008. XFL Champion 2009, 2010. XFL Ambassador award, 2012 ESPYs.

They all meant so much to him. The inaugural championship in 2001, a rout of the hated San Francisco Demons. Beating Las Vegas at the last second to advance to the 2005 Million Dollar Game. Stopping a potential pick-six by all-star cornerback Darrelle Revis at the last second to win the Million-Dollar Game in '09. Defending the title in 2010 against the up-and-coming Omaha Demolition. Then, finally, retiring as the game's greatest player. On the day he retired, his number 8 jersey was retired in every stadium in the league.

What had seemed to be a gimmicky league, a combination of pro wrestling and pro football, had blossomed thanks to its legendary 2002 season. The Memphis-Vegas rivalry had evolved, becoming the most heated in the league. That year, near the end of their first meeting, Memphis' All-Star quarterback Drew Bledsoe, who left the NFL after losing his job to Tom Brady in the 2001 season, was ejected for throwing a punch at the face of Outlaws head coach Jim Criner. That year's MVP Rod "He Hate Me" Smart scored four touchdowns with over 300 yards rushing for the Outlaws.  Fights, anger, feuding continued with each continued meeting. The next meeting came in the championship that year, where Memphis got revenge.

In 2003, they were rivaling the NFL in TV Ratings. By 2004, Maddox had become the league's first real superstar. By 2005, they were rivaling the NFL for draft picks. Though underclassman running back and wide receivers Maurice Clarett and Mike Williams had found an alternative in the XFL, the first star rookie came in Oklahoma quarterback Jason White, picked by the expansion New Orleans Crusherz. He was followed in 2006 by Jon Cornish and Tamba Hali. In 2007 came Chris Leak, Calvin Johnson, Ted Ginn, Revis, Posluszny, and Patrick Willis. The floodgates opened up from there. The XFL prospered while the NFL, mired in a controversy over Rich Gannon's book on rampant steroid usage among players, quickly fell in both profitability and popularity.

The NFL is no longer what it once was. The Super Bowl, once a pillar of American decadence and celebration, became shoved to the side, currently broadcast on CBS Sports Network. The Million Dollar Game took its rightful place.

The XFL has grown from its original eight to 18 members, adding the Omaha Demolition and St. Louis Ironmen in 2004, the New Orleans Crusherz and the Portland Hemp in 2005, the Des Moines Corn, Toronto Bullets, Minnesota Knivez, and Boise Murderers in 2009, and the Long Island StallLionz and Virginia Beach Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup (sponsorships became legal in team naming due to a loophole in the rule book found that year) in 2011. Expansions to more markets, including Austin, Wichita, Tokyo, Winnipeg, and Santa Fe will take place in 2014.

Maddox has retired as the game's greatest player and ambassador. The XFL opted to set up its own Hall of Fame in Carson City, Nevada in 2009, and he will undoubtedly be the first player on the first ballot.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

TECHNOLOGY OF THE FUTURE

Clay and I were talking the other day about how we're both probably going to attend the National Order of the Arrow Conference during August 2015 in Michigan. We're sort of basically veterans of the conference scene (attended in 2009 and 2012) so we know what we're doing. It's a fun way to do anthropology on a small scale. Let's look back at the technological advancements that were developed and used each year that we have attended.

2009:
Usage of an SMS system to alert people to events
Twitter feed
Wi-Fi in rooms
Online social network (I think it's closed now)

2012:
Instagram Feed
Special Twitter hashtag
Munzee (That weird QR code thing that everyone was doing back in 2011. With a point system)
YouTube
Not allowed to bring large items into the basketball stadium

But what about 2015? There's absolutely going to be something stupid that we're all going to use. Here are my guesses:

Google Glass: Clay suggested this to me initially, and it's probably fairly likely. People think that people want to see what's going on from their face. So I expect to see quite a few Google Glasses there.
Something like Vine but better because Vine looks like it's dying: Videos of more than like 7 seconds are for the old and stupid. We'll be able to see someone pan over the entirety of the basketball stadium with their iPhone or maybe like some jokes about boy scouts or something.
Memes:
Introducing the new line of memes from me:
Douchebag Patch guy- Probably some old guy or something who won't trade patches (Patch trading is like pin trading at Disneyworld basically except with only Boy Scouts who do it) Sample text:
WANTS TO TRADE
picture of guy
ONLY WANTS HIS LODGE

HAS PATCH FROM DR. WHO
picture of guy
ISN'T EVEN A WHOVIAN

  Cool Dad - A middle aged dad lookin' guy. He's cool with everything cool. Sample text:
BRINGS LAPTOP
picture of guy
WATCHES SHERLOCK ON NETFLIX AT THE CAFETERIA

10:30 PM
picture of guy
TACO BELL RUN

Those are just two and there will be more to make you laugh out loud.
Some sort of app that lets people trade patches:
People are really serious about it and it would probably be fairly beneficial actually. I don't know how it would work, but then again, I'm not developing it.
Hoverboards:
If they exist, and then if a lot of people have them, a Boy Scouts convention is absolutely the place that I would expect to see a bunch of people using them and then probably getting them stolen
Angry Human Interaction: This will never go out of style
Friendster: YOU CAN'T KILL FRIENDSTER
Oculous Rift (or however you spell the name of that new virutal boy looking thing): I'm not sure how they'll integrate it, but where there's a will, there's a way. 
Those shoes with the toes in them: I knew a number of people with those at the last one I went to, but I assume it'll be a huge thing by then.
Something entirely different that I would never think of in 2013: If you had told me to do this back in 2009, I wouldn't have guessed that there would be so many smartphones even amongst younger kids. What's amazing about technology is the fact that it's always going to progress beyond any logical speculation.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

COLLEGE ADVENTURES

There's a restroom across the hall from where I'm sitting right now in another room. I can see it through the window. There's no gender specification so anyone can use it, and the door locks.

Anyway, I've noticed one guy in particular who has come up to open the door of the bathroom, has found it locked, and has continued on his way twice within the past 25 minutes or so. And I haven't seen anyone come in or go out of that bathroom for any of that time.

Someone's been in there for more than 25 minutes.

I HAVE ASCENDED TO A HIGHER PLANE OF EXISTENCE

I don't wanna brag or anything but I just got put into a club because the people at the coffee shop recognized me and gave it to me because of my frequency of visitation to their store.

So I'm in a cult now.

Friday, November 8, 2013

GAMEDAY UPDATE: 11/8/13: GOTTA GO FAST

I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME

BUT HERE'S THIS

BEST GAME OF 2013

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

GAMEDAY UPDATE: 11/5/13: ABOUT THAT EIGHTIES SONGS ARTICLE

So I may have glanced over a few things during that thing I wrote about my favorite 1980's music. But I have a chance now to redeem myself tonight.

Sheila E. - The Glamorous Life

I sort of forgot about how much I liked this one until I randomly heard it probably at a Vintage Stock or somewhere. I didn't recognize it at first, actually, and I had to use Shazam on my cell phone in order to figure out what song it actually was. But yes, of course, I absolutely adore this song. The beat's great, the chorus is memorable as hell.

Neneh Cherry - Buffalo Stance
Oh, shit, this song is from the '80s? I had no idea until I looked it up a couple of days ago, actually. It's from around the fringe era between the '80s and '90s, (1988) and it totally sounds that way. But my history with "Buffalo Stance" goes very far back. A local radio station used to play it periodically back around 2008-10 or so. I was always attracted to the guitar motive within the chorus, mainly. It seemed so odd to me that they decided to make such a bold transition. I never actually knew the title of the song for a really long time, just the general groove, really. I would (and this is serious, happened a couple of times in 2012) look up general "BEST 90'S DANCE SONGS" videos on YouTube, and I never had any luck. Eventually, I stumbled upon it through another song (to be honest, I think it was Technotronic's "Pump Up The Jam" actually). But yeah, somehow, I do really like this song for some reason. Probably actually my favorite pop song of the 1980's if we're keeping score. Sorry, Miss Cherry, for thinking this was another era, but what can you do?

Dexy's Midnight Runners - Come On Eileen
And how could I miss this one