GAMEDAY UPDATE: 10/29/13

YOU GUYS YOU GUYS YOU GUYS LOOK AT THIS. That's Cyberdreams' I Have No Mouth But I Must Scream on GOG. Since Cyberdreams no longer exists, somehow the rights to that game ended up in the hands of another publisher, and it ended up on GOG.

Now, that means two things: First: I HAVE NO MOUTH AND I MUST SCREAM IS AVAILABLE TO PURCHASE GO DO THAT. But also, second: DARK SEED 1 OR 2 COULD MAYBE POSSIBLY SOMEHOW END UP ON GOG SOMEDAY SOON oh my god oh my god oh my god

I don't know exactly what that would mean to many people but it would be a great help because even on a PC running Windows XP, audio doesn't work perfectly for Dark Seed II (I can't imagine it would for the first one either.) I owe the fact that I care about this series to Retsupurae's Wrongpurae of both of the games, go watch that.

LATE NIGHT TALKIN: EVERY SUPER MARIO 64 LEVEL

Newspaper class
May 2013
~11:45 PM or so
I was basically done with what I needed to do. So, I opened up a Google Docs article and wrote this and forgot about it until today (Note - it was left unfinished and I have no intention of doing so):

A BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF EVERY SUPER MARIO 64 LEVEL:

Hello and welcome to the castle surrounded by mountain-sized walls that is nearly impossible to enter unless you have adequate access to warp pipe technology. In this castle there are many rooms, none of which are for sleeping or eating or anything of the sort. No. This castle is a castle of artistic merit. Each room in this house is required to house at least one painting for some reason. Peach is weird and has too much money and rather than giving it to the poor she just got rooms for all her weird paintings. Anyway you can jump in them and go places. It’s rad as hell. But first, the amenities of the building-

Front Yard: Not much to do here. There’s a bridge and a moat. Moat has water. There’s also a very nice pond out front. The cannon is boarded up but if you’re good enough you can get into it. Do not drain the moat for there is nothing underneath. Nothing at all. ESPECIALLY not a big slide with the invisible cap near the end.

Courtyard: A fountain and a fuckton of ghosts (at least nine ghosts). All these ghosts (Boos, as they’re called) are very shy if you look at them but if not, they’ll kill you. Kill you dead. Right there, too, no mercy. None at all. These ghosts were once other things, but we don’t know what. Probably Koopa Troopas, maybe Goombas, probably actually car salespeople. RIP them. Also one of them has a level in it. Also L IS REAL 2049.

Pavillion: The main entrance room of the castle is very spacious. Toad sits there but does nothing of importance. Also there are four coins for you to have. They’re free. Take them, I promise. You can get to a few rooms from here.

Lower Hallway: One lone ghost... He or she waits. We don’t know the gender because the girl ones wear bows but we didn’t have the technology to render the bows in 1996. Run at it. It runs away. It leads you to the courtyard where its friends live. The friends are also ghosts.

Three Stained Glass Windows Room: Nothing to see here. Nope. Nothing at all. Jumping at the windows will not do anything.

Basement: Basement has been flooded I REPEAT THE BASEMENT HAS BEEN FLOODED. ALSO: The basement has been under the reign of a disgruntled golden rabbit since July. We want to get the water out but the rabbit won’t let us. Also you can dry up the moat if you hate our safety as a castle. Due to the constant running torches and the bunny as well as the water, it has been locked up but you need a giant key from throwing bowser into a bomb because of the new security measures taken in 2002.

Upper Floor: Walk quietly I guess. I don’t know why but the sign says to. Something bad will happen if you stomp I guess. Also toad has a star. But don’t ask him for the star because he also has heroin and “star” is the code word for heroin. “Amputated donkey carcass” is the code word for star. Also some of these paintings you can’t jump into.

Upperer Floor: Very up. You gotta walk up some stairs. Also the walls are the same as the painting that you can’t jump into. Somehow the stars on the wall say “IN AN ELM” according to some guy (Editor’s Note (The editor is me): This is a true fact that I read in a guide once, if you take the stars as if they were morse code they apparently say “IN AN ELM.” Bizarre.) There’s a clock and some small doors with light.

Uppest Floor: Most up. You gotta go up some more stairs. Before you don’t have any stairs unlocked you just go up forever. Up and up and up and up and up and up and up. and up. It’s very small. Not much to be interested in.

Roof: NO DINOSAURS HERE NOPE

Now for the levels. There’s a bunch of ‘em.

Bob-Omb Battlefield: Apparently this is a battlefield. Context clues that show that this is indeed a battlefield:

-Cannon: Shoots bombs of some sort. They are made of water but they hurt

-Dog: CHMOP

-More cannons: These shoot PEOPLE

-Big ass bob-omb on top of the mountain: throw ‘em.

-Floating island: a terrible destruction of all physics. Heathens.

-uh

Whomp’s Fortress: mountain

Tall as fuck. Like nothing else of note except for the height. Also walk quietly around the piranha plants so they don’t UNLEASH FURY upon your poor noisy walking soul. To shoot into the wild blue you should trust your instincts. Also there’s a big guy on top. The absolute destruction and hatred of physics continues from the battlefield here at the fortress as there are more floating islands (and cages), as well as bridges that suspend themselves in midair if you choose not to touch them. Also there is foot-high water if you hate your shoes

Jolly Roger Bay: WATER DUNGEON

EELS. Have you ever felt real, genuine fear at the age of four years old? It’s weird, right? Yeah. Fear. Actual fear. This eel is going to eat the shit out of you and you can’t do anything other than swim away. The boat’s there too and some chests that do some shocking sometimes. Also look out for the hidden aquarium in the room. All you gotta do is jump and get into it. game boy color

Cool, Cool Mountain: YUKIYAMA NSLD2

More like slides EVERYWHERE. The level itself is a slide and there’s a secret slide in a cabin. Also more like penguins EVERYWHERE because there are like four of them, which is more than most other levels. Don’t forget about wall kicks, though. They’ll work. They’ll work damn well.

Big Boo’s Haunt: TERESA OBAKE

more like scary ass piano. Fun fact - I will never get all 120 stars because I Can Not Play Through Big Boo’s Haunt.

Hazy Maze Cave: HORROR DUNGEON

Scariest other level in the game. By scariest I mean dying-iest because you’ll die a lot. There’s a bottomless pit and a very hazy cave. Also DON’T GET CLOSE TO THE MOUTH OF THE CREATURE IN THE CAVERN. It’ll eat you right up. I mean... It won’t but apparently it will. We just built it up like it’s a terrible awful creature monster that will eat you right the fuck up but actually it’s just a lovable sea thing that doesn’t eat anyone or anything. Fuck this level by the way.

Lethal Lava Land: I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE DEBUG NAME FOR THIS LEVEL IS

Lava is everywhere and I don’t feel safe. Also there’s a bunch of bullies everywhere. Watch out for the dumb stupid moving puzzle floor puzzle that I hate. Inside the volcano there is a pillar and a broken pillar. These mean nothing do not pay attention to them.

Shifting Sand Land: more like shitting sand land AM I RIGHT FELLAS

Quicksand is everywhere and I don’t feel safe. Also there’s a bunch of tall cacti everywhere. Watch out for the dumb stupid moving boxes that I hate. Inside the pyramid there are hieroglyphics that spell ET. These mean nothing do not pay attention to them.

Dire, Dire Docks: I DON’T KNOW THE DEBUG NAME FOR THIS ONE EITHER

Basically Jolly Roger Bay but everyone likes it. Even though it’s like half as good as Jolly Roger Bay. The Green Album of Mario 64 Levels.

Snowman’s Land: YUKIYAMA2

Hooray for more ice worlds. The world itself needs more ice worlds, and an ice world as such gets forgotten by many. Check out that big maze thing where all the eight red coins are. Also there’s water that burns you because there is apparently an anti-god in Snowman’s Land. That anti-god is probably the big ass snowman who blows your hat off.

Wet-Dry World: POOL KAI

Wet-Dry World is a watery version of hell. The water levels can shift and there’s a little town secluded from the rest of the world. All of the inhabitants have left or died or something. Probably because they lived in a town that was completely flooded at the flip of a switch. Maybe they died from the fact that they were separated by a giant tube that their town had to be flooded in order for them to get out of. Also the enemies in Wet Dry World will kill you and throw you easily 4-5 stories just for looking at them because there is no god in Wet-Dry World. You can go to any other level, you can collect every star, you can reinhabit the little town, but that won’t ever change the fact that there is no god in Wet-Dry World. You can wring every little coin out of the environment there, even the impossible ones in the other levels, even the secret ones that you have to beat out of toad. You can kill giga-bowser. You can kill mecha-bowser. You can kill Joe Montana if you want I don’t give a fuck and neither does the fact that there is no god in Wet-Dry World.

Tall, Tall Mountain: worst level

Tiny-Huge Island: BIG WORLD

Least memorable level? It’s weird because you’d think it would be different. But some of it is huge. Other is tiny. This is not a gimmick. Trust me.

Tick Tock Clock: CLOCK TOWER

The final resting place of everyone. Make sure you enter at midnight or else it sucks. Look out because everything is clock themed and I hate my life. Also notice the fact that Nintendo made a clock world in the first mario game without a time limit.

Rainbow Ride: RAINBOW CRUISE

I fucking love this level. Goddamn maze for eight coins and the imminent death at every corner. Doesn’t get much better than that, eh?

Endless Stairs: scary ass music

Bowser in the whatever (first one):

Spinny electricity balls of death, then you get to fight bowser I guess. These levels are really what I would have preferred the game to be if I had to do it all over. More of this could have been really fun. Had this game been made recently, they could have done a more bowser levels DLC kind of thing.

Bowser in the Fire Sea:

I kinda thought this was my least favorite bowser level.

THE FIRST THING ON MY PHOTOBUCKET

^IT'S THIS^

I don't know why or how it ended up on photobucket like that. I think I needed to use it as a signature on a forum at some point, but I can't remember if that's true or not, because I know that one of my first forum signatures was also THE SECOND THING ON MY PHOTOBUCKET:
   
People went nuts for this image if I remember correctly. at least I know I did. Cool fact- I still have that mousepad in the background there right next to me right now. It was soon followed up by the sequel to "OMG QUARTER," THE FOURTH THING ON MY PHOTOBUCKET:
 
This one didn't fare quite as well. "What's next, "OMG CREDIT CARD???" rang the voices of the people, "Where's this Furby getting all this money?" said others. My status on "rate the above person's signature!" threads dropped and I was exposed.

(That was basically me in 2008, just forum games threads and nothing else for the most part)

THE 1980's SONGS BY JOE BUSH

I've never been a particularly big fan of the 1980's when it comes to music, but there's stuff that I really like that I know I shouldn't. So let's start here

WHAT IS MY FAVORITE SONG OF THE 1980'S?
In terms of all music, there are a number of songs that could fit there. Here are a few:
Dead Milkmen -

PIXIES - Mr. Grieves

Moby - Ah Ah

I even feel a little guilty about that last one but I don't really care. I like all three of those songs. However, none of them were popular for the most part. What I'm not proud of is what I like from the popular stuff.
What I like from the popular stuff:
T'Pau - Heart and Soul

I really love this song's chorus, and I absolutely love it when the song hits it's climax at around 2:48 or so. Very emotional but still listenable as hell, and I absolutely love hearing it whenever it comes on. Barely ashamed of this one, honestly, along with the next one
THE NEXT ONE:
Nu Shooz - I Can't Wait

FIRST: My parents saw this band at the student union at the University of Kansas back in the early 1980's. They will tell you this.
SECOND: This baseline and the percussion bit throughout the song is great, that whole trumpet sample works really well, that whole thing where you take the words to the chorus and kinda mess with 'em ("b-b-baby, I-I-I can't wait") that kills me every time and they do it really well. Also that background sample that they build most of the song upon is great as well.

Tom Tom Club - Genius Of Love

So this song is also excellent. I don't know why I like it as much as I do, honestly. It's very danceable, and it doesn't have much of the sweeping emotional stuff that I like in some of the songs on this list, but I'll always stay around to listen for the whole thing whenever it comes on.

Tracy Chapman - Fast Car

I don't feel any shame about this at all actually

Crowded House - Don't Dream It's Over

Haha no I actually feel quite a bit of shame for liking this. I shouldn't like it because it sorta drones and it has that kinda slow-sad synth solo, but I can't control my brain.

A-ha - Take On Me

Welp

Midnight Oil - Beds Are Burning

At some point last year this became a joke between me and a friend due to a conversation that I remember absolutely nothing about driving in my car back to his house from high school. I'm not even a huge fan of this song but it's strangely compelling and I can laugh at it and still enjoy it, right?

But honestly, seriously, my favorite popular song of the 1980's is this:

Oh god why. I wasn't born until 5 years after the '80s was over (and man, my '90s list is much worse than this) and I won't listen to anyone who tells me this is anything less than an incredibly moving work of music. There area  few songs that I specifically steer away from when driving because I have a tendency to shut my eyes really hard when crying and that's not good for driving. I can name like eight off the top of my head and this is absolutely one. I love anything that can move me like that because it's too goddamn good.

But that's it. For fun bonus points, try to guess the titles of those other seven songs.

IN THE CASE THAT I EVER JOIN ANOTHER FORUM HERE'S A LIST OF THINGS THAT I DON'T LIKE THAT MOST OTHER PEOPLE DO

This is a typical topic on most online forums and I don't want to think ever again so here's an early list of "things you don't like but most other people do"

Licorice- just not all that tasty
Super Mario Galaxy- Just wasn't a fan of the camera for the most part, thought it would be better if it stayed similar to that of SM64 and Sunshine
Basketball- Really fell out of favor with me in high school for whatever reason.
LOZ: Ocarina of Time- Don' t think it's all really that bad, but I've just never been hooked on to it. Never quite felt like returning to it after finishing a session of it.
Pants Zippers- button fly
Barbecue- Actually I like barbecue, but I can't eat it without being incredibly sick immediately afterwords so I rarely eat it
Coke Classic- syrup as hell
Going to the Zoo- I was never one of those kids who would get anything out of the zoo field trip back in elementary school. Granted I haven't been to a zoo in ~6 years and it doesn't sound like a terrible idea (actually scratch that, I went to Animal Kingdom at Walt Disney World and waited in line for like 35 minutes to do absolutely nothing if I remember correctly so I guess that counts) but I wasn't ever much of a fan of the zoo.
The Great Gatsby- Actually I sorta liked the book but why the hell are people having parties themed around Gatsby, isn't that the point of the novel that being all extravagant wasn't good and you weren't supposed to follow what he did
Ketchup on Hotdogs- again, don't know why I don't
Shrimp- I used to love shrimp but I don't anymore and I don't know why I think it's just the texture
Staying up really really late- Rather just waking up really really late isn't fun
ESPN2- Coulda been something. Coulda been something real good. But now it's just bass fishing and FirstTake or whatever
ESPN FirstTake-
St. Louis- I don't even know why, it seems like a great city but I do less and less it every time that I go there. That City Museum shit is rad though
Wichita, KS- I think that I just liked Wichita because the Wichita State University Student Union's basement had a Cruis'n Exotica machine but it broke and I guess they sold it sometime between 2007 and 2008 so there's not much of a reason for me to go back. Also I went to a Big Lots there once, never done that before or since
Root Beer Floats- I like soda and I like vanilla ice cream but they don't work together very well for me. There's this guy who lives on my floor who eats like 4 or 5 Root Beer Floats per meal at the cafeteria and I think he just does it as a conversation starter now. One time one of the people who works in the cafeteria said something to him about how he's using a lot of ice cream so he tells people that they get mad at him every time he gets 4-5 root beer floats but I doubt that they do
Slam Dunks- That's a lie
Not Chocolate Milk-
Runts-I can't

hopefully that clears some stuff up

OKTOBER REVENGE

FIVE YEARS IN THE MAKING
AGAIN
I
ME
JOSEPH BUSH OF joebush.blogspot.com
I SPELLS OCTOBER WITH A K

congratulations