A GUIDE FOR THOSE LOOKING TO STORM A COURT

People keep asking me "what do you think about North Carolina's student section storming the court after they beat Duke last week?" Typically, I respond with "That happened like a week ago I think, we should probably drop it" but I feel as if College Basketball fans need to get their heads out of the clouds and realize what needs to be said about their tendencies to run on a floor when enjoying things. So I've made some rules for all of you stupid dumb college kids.

1. THERE ARE SOME PLACES WHERE YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STORM A COURT
Some schools are allowed to do that but SOME ARE NOT. If your team has won a championship within the last FOURTEEN SECONDS you may NOT storm any COURTS. If you go to school at any of the following locations: San Jose STATE, UC-San Diego, WALGREENS, Clay County Community College, University of Phoenix, West EDMONTON Mall, James K. Polk Middle School, or the Waffle House off I-5 in Portland. In fact, the only school that is allowed to STORM a COURT is Seton Hall.

2. WHAT IS DEFINED AS A COURT STORMING
If there are a court in your stadium, you aren't go stormCOURTing! THE SUPREME COURT MAY NOT BE STORMED AS THERE ARE RARELY SPORTS PLAYED THERE.

3. HOW TO TELL IF YOU MAY STORM A COURT
STOP. Before you leave your seats and jump/run forward rather than the typical sidewards, look up at the sky. If there is a sky there, DON'T. You are hereby not at a basketball court and instead at an outside venue. This is not a courtstorming unless it is at one of those gimmicky early season outside tournaments that I assume they do somewhere.
If you see a CEILING, you should also look for BANNERS that they hang from the RAFTERS in said CEILING. If there are more than 4.333333~ for National Championships or a VAMPIRE hanging, Sit Back Down In Your Seat Right There for that is a HEALTH VIOLATION due to the losing BLOOD. (granted this rule may change if you're playing in the Castlevania Classic hosted at Dracula's castle generally inviting a mid-rate Big XII team, MAC 2nd place team, and two mid-majors)

4. DICTION
Some may STORM a COURT but do not understand why you may NOT DO SO. A CORUT STORMING is performed when people or mammals of the sort run upon a COURT when excited from basketball game. HOWEVER sometimes a STORMING may be confused with a RUSHING or a SWARMING.

RUSHING occurs when a team is losing a game and then wins in the end because of negligence by the opposing team's physical trainers. This is rare but generally a RUSHING ends with at least three people spraining ankles. If the ankle sprain quotient is higher than six generally the term used is a FULMANDERRING.

SWARMING only happens when it has been dictated by at least four priests under the oath of the Scotch Catholic church. The only four registered SWARMINGS happened in the mid '90s by pure coincidence, three of which happened at Seton Hall and one at Canisus (there is a debate on one that happened at Northern Iowa but there is no authentic footage)

Hopefully that keeps everything in line for those of you who want to put your feet upon a floor of a gymnasium without the prerequisite being good at basketball skills.